It has been a while since I last wrote anything. Things have been extremely busy over the past few weeks, months, year. Sigh.
I don’t intend for this post to be too long, as I still have several hours of work to do for the week and am going on very little sleep, but I just needed to write. Write down what I’m feeling, what I’m thinking and offer a quick update that I intend to continue writing for this blog. I’m just going through a season that is difficult…
Tonight, I feel overwhelmed. I also feel incredibly blessed, but my heart is heavy.
First off, I’m grateful for my family. I’m grateful for my husband, my sweet daughter, my parents, my in-laws. I’m thankful for the year we’ve had, though the challenge it has been. I’m thankful for my church, for my small group and the past two years we’ve had together. I’m thankful for my job and my husband’s job. I’m thankful for a God who loves me and never leaves me. He is with me even in these moments. He is the reason for these many blessings and I am so grateful for that.
At the same time, my heart is heavy. It’s heavy with the weight of broken relationships, heavy with the weight of loneliness (can anyone else relate to how difficult it is to have close friendships with other women when you’re a mom?), heavy with the oncoming wave of change that is coming our way (the potential loss of even more friendships), heavy with the anxiousness of never having enough time to get it all done, heavy with the weight of exclusion, heavy over my own sin and the mistakes I have made in the past hour, the past day, the past week, the past month, the past years (I’m not perfect and will continue to make mistakes, which I hate), and even more heaviness that I don’t even know how to put into words.
I know this storm will pass. I know God is still with me and I can pass this burden to Him. I don’t have to carry it. But that is a process. Passing on this weight and letting go of things I need to let go of is a struggle but it’s something I must do.
My heart is heavy, but I know I will not be crushed. I know this will pass, for my God is stronger than I and He will help me carry it.